For your contemplation…
What do we create when we put countdowns on school being out?
What do we create when we ask kids, especially our young children, “Are you so excited that school is almost out?”
This came to my attention last year when my daughter was finishing up her first year in school. And again, over the last week or so, it’s surfaced again.
I notice my daughter’s face when people ask her if she’s so excited.
Blank look. Confusion. A ‘what am I missing?’ kind of look.
I can see her spinning inside. Excited? I love school. This is where I learn. This is where my tribe is. It’s where I grow. It’s where I form the bonds that fuel my soul and where I begin find what I love, what puts a fire in my belly.
It’s where I encounter some of the most important people who will be in my life – who teach me to read, to solve problems, how to grow things in a garden, and carry a tune.
Nothing changes until we change the conversation.
As I see it, there are a few things that arise when we project excitement about getting out of school.
1- We pull them out of the present moment. Life is now. Being future oriented often contributes to feelings of anxiety because we can’t do anything about the future right now. (And I’m not suggesting we don’t plan for the future, that’s different, planning is a present moment experience). But pulling out of now to see how we’ll feel later, well we miss the moment now, what’s in front of us. Whether it’s joy, or learning some resilience!
2- By asking kids if they are excited, we project that they should be excited. Many kids do love school. Yes, there is work to do so they ALL feel safe, happy, and for the better being in school, but let’s focus on building that, rather than contributing to the negative narrative about school. Many kids are anything but excited. Many kids find safety in school. Find friends. Find comfort. Many kids are off to camps, to new places, and that means more anxiety into newness.
I remember my first experience as a student teacher in Washington D.C. in 1994, all of the students walked to school from the apartment building across the street. When the bell rang to end the day, no one was rushing out. Kids were hanging around in the class, I was confused.
After my mentor-teacher, Mrs. Maxwell, finally got them all to move on out, she sat me down and said these words that I’ve never forgotten.
“You see, Ms. Vance, these kids don’t want to leave. This is the best place they know. They would stay here all night if we would let them. It’s hard. Teaching is so much more than you could ever imagine. Some of the toughest things I have to do is get the students to go home. It breaks my heart.”
So, today, I just encourage you to notice your language. Notice other’s language. When people ask me, “Is Reggie excited for school to get out?”, I take a deep breath and smile, “No, actually, She loves school. You know, it is where all of her friends are, she has fun there, she’s learning. She’ll enjoy summer when it gets here, I’m sure. But right now, she’s happy.”
And you know what, every time, they nod their head. “Ah, yes, that makes sense.”
In order for education to change, we all must take a look at how we hold it, how we present the narrative.
If it’s going to change, we will part of it. Things don’t happen outside of us.
So, today, just a reminder: Language is so powerful. We can upgrade our language, and it starts with awareness.
You see we move in the direction of the questions we ask. The brain seeks the answers to the questions. What about trying on… What’s been one of your favorite things about school this year? Who has become so close to you that you forgot you didn’t even know them last year? Which teacher has inspired you this year? What will you miss most about this school year?
Reflection is a super power. Don’t skip the opportunity to build anchors. To remind them of all they have learned, overcome. What they used to like and what they like now.
And when summer comes, well, then ask them, “What are you excited about TODAY? RIGHT NOW?”
And when you see the tears welling in our graduating seniors’ eyes, maybe just smile with a deep knowing and appreciation of their full journey.